Osama bin Laden
Subject: Osama Jokes
Q:Why does Osama always carry a piece of shit in his pocket?
A: It’s his photo ID
Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing,........ yet!!!
Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
Q: What is the Taliban’s national bird?
Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.
Q: What does osama bin laden and General Custer have in common?
A: They both wanted to know where those Tomahawks are came from!
Q: What’s the difference between the Taliban and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket
Q: What’s the five day forecast for Afghanistan?
A: Two days.
Q: Why don’t bin laden’s people eat shit sandwiches?
A: They can’t stand bread
Q: Why doesn’t the Taliban have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?
A: Because the camels can’t handle it
This photo graphic was done by a Malaysian. Look at the Osama who was done away with the beard. Look at his smart suit he had put on.
Ponder for a while: If Osama bin Laden were to be educated in a proper Academic College in the Western countries instead of a Religious College, he would have been a civilized man.
What a waste of talent, when he was blinded by some extreme Religious teachings that had made him a Terrorist!
Subject: Osama Afterlife
After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.
“How dare you attack the nation I helped establish!” yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face.
Patrick Henry comes up from behind. “You wanted to end the Americans’ liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry punches Osama in the nose.
James Madison comes up next, and says “This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!” He drops a large weight on Osama’s knee.
Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America.
As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams “This is not what I was promised!”
An angel replies, “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?”
Subject: Stay On Alert
We’ve been advised that terrorists may attempt to pass themselves off as ordinary American citizens and may even attempt to change their hair color, wardrobe or appearance in order to “blend in”. You are advised to notify the authorities of any suspicious individuals who may match the following example…
Subject: The Great Wall
Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Ladin and UncleSam are out walking together one day. They come across a lanternand a Genie pops out of it.“I will give each of you each one wish, that’s three wishes total,” says the Genie.
The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.“With a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around Afganistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state.“Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ there was a huge wall around Afganistan.
“Uncle Sam” (A former civil engineer), asks, “I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.”
The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out—-virtually impenetrable.”
“Uncle Sam” says, “Fill it with water.”
Subject: Letter to Bin Laden
To Mr. Bin Laden,
Sir I would like to thank you for taking the time out to send a few of your willing workers of hate and deception to this country to attempt to destroy us.
In the process of trying to terrorize us to death, the hand of God stepped in and still got glory within your evil and deceptive plan to put fear in the hearts and minds of the American people.
1. Thank you for showing and allowing our President and past Presidents to Worship and pray together in the same Sanctuary.
2. Thank you for having Congress bow at the Feet of Jesus and ask for forgiveness and ask for the Lord’s strength in leading the nation’s people.
3. Thank you for allowing Prayer in the schools once more and having our children across the nation be able to ask God for strength and protection throughout their school day.
4. Thank you for letting employers give workers time to pray and worship our Savior during their work hour.
5. Thank you for showing us that it is the hand of God that allows us to be here day in and day out, we are not just here on our own.
6. Thank you for leading more people back to church in one day to get things right with God than all the witnessing of all the Christians in this country could do in one year.
7. Thank you for waking us up and letting us know that people still care in this country and that we are bigger than the problems in this country.
8. Thank you for reminding us that racial, religious, and cultural hatred is useless and nothing good comes from harboring it.
9. Thank you for letting us again understand why on our money it says in God we trust, we sing God bless America and what true patriotism is.
10. Most of all Mr. Bin Ladan now that the Lord is on our side, Thank you for letting him take his rightful place on the battlefield, so you will know that he will have the victory His word says…If two or three gather in my name it is done.
So in all, we thank you very much for strengthening our faith in God and our love for our fellow American no matter what color, race, creed or religion..
A Proud American Citizen..
and a Soldier in the Army of the Lord…
Please send this letter to all you know.. Let us spread the word ...
Subject: Be My Valentine
Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” he asks, “will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?”
David’s father thinks a bit, then says “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?”
“Osama Bin Laden,” David says.
“Why Osama Bin Laden,” his father asks in shock.
“Well,” David says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.
His father’s heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride.
“David, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I know,” David says, “and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him.”
Subject: Sex Change Operation
What to do with Osama bin Laden?
Killing him will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release.
Therefore, I suggest we do neither.
Let the Special Forces, Seals or whatever covertly capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation.
Then we return HER to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the Taliban.
Subject: Bush Joke
Osama Bin Laden phoned President George W. Bush. "I had a dream about the United States," he said.
"I could see the whole country, and over every building and home was a banner," said Bin Laden.
"What was on the banner?" asked Mr. Bush.
"LONG LIVE OSAMA!" answered the terrorist.
"I am so glad that you called," said President Bush, "because I too had a dream. In my dream, I saw Afghanistan and it was more beautiful than ever; totally rebuilt, and over every building and home was a big, beautiful banner."
"What did the banner say?" asked Osama.
"I don’t know," answered President Bush, "I can’t read Hebrew."