Date: 2002
Written story and photos

When I lived in Philly I had a little yard behind my apartment. Two rats moved in shortly after I did. I didn’t mind. They’re like squirrels or mice and I’d leave food out for them. We became friends and I even fed them by hand a few times.

One day the one rat showed up alone. I went to feed him and he began to talk to me! He told me a crazy scientist in the lab at the end of the street had been doing experiments with them and had been slowly increasing their intelligence over time. I was astonished!

He explained, “At first I just felt odd. But as the experiments continued I gained an awareness of what was happening. I began to comprehend speech and could understand what Dr. Spangler was saying. But I didn’t let on right away. I started to learn about mathematics, the arts, and physics. I even learned how to use the microwave by watching the janitor in the kitchen! After a while I became hungry for knowledge and began to speak in broken English. Dr. Spangler was of the hook with happiness! He showed me movies, let me read books, even gave me Internet access. I far surpassed all the other rats, but it wasn’t by accident.”

Rat looked a little ashamed as he continued, “I made sure the other rats didn’t grow as intelligent as me. I did, well...you know, things to make sure I stayed ahead. I’m not proud, but I sure don’t regret it. I kept all the other rats down. Even my Ratska.”

He got really emotional and began to cry. I asked what was wrong.

“You know Ratska. She used to come here with me. Once I started to understand the daily grind and began to watch the news and corporate business practice, I began to protect Ratska. I didn’t want her to understand the helpless sorrow and loneliness I was feeling. I want her to grow, but not to feel sad.”

He pouted for a moment, then got angry and wiped his tears away. Rat went on to tell me that he resented the way rats have been treated over the years. He grew more and more angry as he spoke.

“Did you know that Philadelphia used to be a rat-infested city? Not anymore!” he yelled. The way he was talking made me uncomfortable and I told him so. He got even more fired up.

“Rats have been persecuted! My friends have been tortured and killed. Some were injected with chemicals while others were poisoned or used for cosmetics so humans can look pretty. Well pretty ugly I say! Things need to change around here! I’m going to make some changes in this world so Ratska can see the beauty when she comes up.”

Noticing how uncomfortable I was he paused, calmed down, then apologized. He said he’d better get back to the lab before they discover him missing and asked me not to tell anyone about our little conversation.

Tell anyone?

There was no way I was going to tell anyone that a rat had shown up in my backyard and spoke to me for an hour. I wasn’t sure I believed it myself. Over the next few weeks he visited me numerous times. In fact, he showed me how to program my VCR and make long distance calls for free.

He couldn’t understand why I wasn’t into computer programming and I explained that it wasn’t that easy to learn. He visited again and again and constantly thanked me during those times. I always worried that he’d think I was just another typical human and I warned him about the dangers of human interaction. He said that most humans could not be trusted. But for some reason he trusted me.

Maybe it was because I fed him before he became intelligent. I don’t know, but it was fun back then to be visited by my own secret, friendly, talking, super smart rat. The best stuff I know on bass I learned from Rat. We’d perform cool metaphysical science experiments with static electricity together. What better friend could a young man want?

One night he said, “Everything a person could ever need to know is on the Internet. Everything but what has been taken from me.”

I asked what he meant by that. He explained that he was a direct descendant of a Rattus Rattus family. Originally from China, the Rattus Rattus families slowly spread worldwide and were colonizing many parts of the world at the same time humans were.

He said that the term Rattus Norvegicus (meaning domesticated pet rat) was an insult to the Rattus Rattus name. Caged rats were no longer acceptable in his book. With each visit Rat became more and more tense. A full month went by and I hadn’t seen him at all, which was very unusual.

One night at 1:43 am there was a frantic scratching at the door that woke me from my slumber. I was scared at first but quickly recognized Rat’s voice as he yelled through the screen window. I jumped up and let him in.

He was crying and told me I had to help him. Ratska had been poisoned and he feared the worst. I said I didn’t know what to do. He asked if I had any money. I did. With that I got dressed, wrapped him in a scarf and wore it around my neck so he could instruct me.

We went to the corner store where he told me to purchase a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. Next thing he wanted me to do was hop a chain link fence at the edge of the laboratory parking lot and slip into the back door where he promised me the security guard was sleeping. I was scared to death.

I really thought I lost my mind. With a talking rat in my scarf telling me to break into a chemical lab down the street from where I lived I began to question my own sanity and told him I couldn’t do it.

“She’s in there!” he yelled as he pointed to the seventh floor window.

How was I to tell him I couldn’t do it? I just stood there.

He looked at me, “You’re scared aren’t you?”

“Let’s think this through,” I said as I tried to figure out a plan, “I mean how’s this gonna look if I get caught,” I asked, “You’ll just get quiet and I’m going to jail for stealing a rat from the lab.”

He looked me right in the eye with an expression on his face I’ll never forget. Not another word was spoken as he climbed off my shoulder, took the Pepto-Bismol from my hand, and ducked under the fence. I watched him scurry around the corner toward the door where he assured me I could’ve gained entry. I felt like shit.

What was I to do? I waited. I waited and ended up sitting there all night. I stayed until it began to pour rain the next morning. He never came out. And he never came back to my apartment.

Coincidentally a week later my building, including my apartment, was burglarized. They took my bike, my stereo and my word processor. Two weeks later my car was stolen and I couldn’t get to work and had to move out of Center City to be closer to my job.

I left Philly and never saw Rat again.

Until tonight!

While walking down 14th Street in New York City I spotted a strange symbol shining onto the night sky. It looked like some sort of energy/light field and it closely resembled some of the experiments Rat and I used to do. When I looked up again there he was! Luckily I had my camera and got a photo! I always knew he was real and now I’ve got him in pixels to prove it! Finally I can tell the world about Rat! He’s alive and well in New York City!