Sweet Television

Television is like candy. It’s mindless, distracting, colorful and fun. It’s emotional but always in a way that makes things simple. There’s no nutritional value. There’s nothing bitter about it unless it’s coated with sugar. Look good naked. Get fit quick. Buy this product and you only need to exercise once a month for 20 minutes. Eat this pill and you’ll get smarter if you read the book that comes with it. Put a drop of this liquid under your tongue and you’ll be energized at work, and rich. Do a combination of all of these things and then wash it down with energy drink and they’ll give you an extra pound of happiness putty—a $69 value! Order now and they’ll gift wrap it for $.99.

Television is free, like candy at the bank. If you want the real stuff you need to subscribe. For just $100 per month they’ll give you all the candy you can handle, minus the chocolate. If you want the name brand chocolates you know and love then you’ll have to pay for them. For an extra $40 you’ll get three of your favorite chocolates, but the combination of candy bars you want isn’t available at this time. In order to get the variety of candies you’re asking for you’ll have to go with the triple decker. It’s a great value, only $495 per month. That’s for all you can eat, sent to you at an incredibly fast rate. Installation fee is $29.99. Once the feed is in place you’ll need an intravenous. You can purchase your own at a one time rate of $99 or you can rent one for just $8.99 per month. Act now! Call the 900 number!

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