Sugar Challenge: February 2009

For the month of February, eat nothing but sugar. Yes, nothing but sugar. Choose the sweetest cola and iced teas you can find. Eat dessert by he pound. Polish off as much candy as you can in between meals. Eat cookies and carry them in your pockets for the times when the store is too far away.

Do nothing but eat sweets. When you want to go out, stay in and eat sweets instead. Instead of joining a gym, use that money to purchase every kind of baked good you can afford from the sugar aisle at the supermarket. If you live near a bakery, even better. Purchase fresh baked sweets daily and drink them down with sweetened coffee. Add sugar to your morning breakfast cereal. Pour honey into your tea.

Go ahead, be as sweet as sweet can be. Turn your blood into High Fructose Corn Syrup. Morph your arm muscles into grainy, sandy candy cane limbs. Imagine the whites of your eyes made of sugar.

See how you feel. By the end of the month you’ll be so addicted to sweets that the only way you’ll feel good is to go out and get more. Spend your whole paycheck on sugar. Buy it by the ton. Snort it up your nose. Inject it into your veins. Put it in your pipe and smoke it.

Cure your meat with sugar. Roll your chicken cutlets in brown sugar. Dip your candy corn in powdered sugar. Wipe the corn syrup from the bottom of your plate with a cupcake. Call your supplier and ask for more. Get the stuff delivered to your front door.

All the while you do this, be sweet. Be nice to people and do what they tell you to do. Listen to advertisements and purchase the products that are being shown to you. Spend your money on food products. Invest in someone else’s fortune by trading your cash for sugar.

Let people walk all over you and smile a sugar coated smile as they do it. Tell them you don’t mind because you are sooooooo sweeeeeet. Tell yourself that you just can’t control yourself. Accept that sugar is more powerful than you are. It makes you sweet.

Now go. Eat sweets.

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