November 1, 2009: Day 2

November 01, 2009 ↓ Comments (10)

Day 2 of my “annual sugar bindge” (I am going to stop calling it that) has begun. I don’t want to eat all of the junk food I got. Still, I’ve eaten Fruit Loops, Pop-tarts, and chocolate. I’m not even enjoying it. It’s too sweet, too acidic, and it makes me feel awful. This is precisely why I do this every year.

Sugar is like a charismatic but abusive partner from the past. Sugar never made me feel good, sapped all of my resources, always got me into trouble, abused my health and my emotions, took my money, and wasn’t even good looking! But for some reason when I am away from sugar for a long time and see so many people having fun with the same sugar I used to love, I begin to feel nostalgic. Sugar starts to look good again. I long to spend time with my sugar. Sugar is always there waiting for me because it is I who left sugar. Sugar didn’t leave me. How could so many people be wrong?

Then I get excited. Sugar, I’m coming back to you! And sugar opens it’s arms. I run right back to that place only to find it colder and smaller than I remember. Less colorful. Desolate. Sad. Pale. Dry. Grainy. Sticky. Childish. Foolish.

Each year when I do this, it is clearer that sugar is a symbol of who I used to be. As I enter into the second half of my life I want to declare sugar gone. Something from way back. Something that makes each day without sweets a good day.

4:30 pm It’s strange. I ate all of the packaged candy and a bunch of chocolate covered pretzels. I feel awful. Bloated. Heavy. Tired. Gross. I look forward to Tuesday so that I will stop eating this stuff. It’s my own self-imposed parameters that “give me the window” to desecrate my body with junk food. Why? It makes me feel terrible. And yet I’ll eat this stuff until Tuesday. It’s like I’m worried I’ll miss something if I don’t eat it.

Why do you eat sweets? What are you getting out of it? It’s a complete waste of your time, money and energy. I bet, if you really look at it, there’s some kind of child-like motivation behind your desire to eat yourself into oblivion. Can you locate that motivation? Can you change your paradigm? It’s easily said and not so easily done. Or is it?

My brother says it’s easy..

Comments · November 1, 2009: Day 2

Julia
Nov 01, 2009

Wow, I love the way you describe your relationship with sugar. That’s the way it was for me with alcohol. I’ve been over nine years sober now, and I wish I could say that I’ve put my drinking “behavior” behind me, but instead, I substituted the alcohol for the sugar. So much easier to quit drinking. My aim is the same as yours, to have the sugar gone for good someday. I started your challenge two days early, on the 30th. so this is my 3rd. day. Good luck to you. Sounds like you’re looking forward to eating healthy again:)

DavidVanadia
Nov 01, 2009

Today I’ve eaten all the wrapped candy already. I don’t like it and yet I still eat it.

How can we find the sugar in everyday things?

Julia
Nov 01, 2009

I did the same thing on Wednesday and Thursday, while I was preparing the Trick or Treat bags. Isn’t it strange how it’s not even enjoyable after awhile? That’s addiction for you.

Janet
Nov 02, 2009

Julia:

I have been sober 21 years and quit smoking 9 years ago. I think it was at that time I started substituting the sugar for the alcohol and cigarettes. I never thought of it in terms of never putting my drinking behavoir behind me. That’s very interesting.

I started the sugar challenge on 11/1 and lasted until 11/1. Which is to say, I have not yet made it 24 hrs. without sugar. I’m going to keep trying though.

David I just love to read your blog entries. You are a terrific writer. Very engaging.

DavidVanadia
Nov 02, 2009

Thank you Janet. Really, thank you. It means so much to hear you say that.

Julia
Nov 03, 2009

Hi, David, I really appreciate this challenge. Knowing that there are people out there aiming for the same goal, helps.

I’ve always challenged myself by going cold turkey, and aiming for quitting for good. (Which I still want) but doing it this way keeps me hanging on, less restriction. Thank you, again.

Hi, Janet, congratulations on 21 years sobriety, and 9 years of no smoking! Let’s keep trying together:)

Janet
Nov 03, 2009

I am sitting in my office trying to get caught up. Every task I complete, however, spawns 2 or 3 new tasks. So, my brain is now saying to me “why don’t you run across the street and get some cookies, it will help you think more clearly if you get a little snack.” I’m ignoring it though. I am making it through today sugar free.

David I think you are too young to be entering the second half of your life. I think its more like part 2 of 3.

Julia I hope everything is still going ok. You must have almost a full week in. 5 days at any rate. Good luck.

DavidVanadia
Nov 03, 2009

I’m in starting tonight at midnight. I wanted to stop today, but there are peanut clusters and a cake tonight. And ice cream. Then it’s on.

Janet
Nov 04, 2009

Happy birthday David but I may be a day late.

I appear to have made it 24 hrs. without sugar. I slept GREAT last night and woke up feeling just fine. Hopefully I can keep it up for another 24 hrs.

Julia
Nov 05, 2009

Janet, you made it! Taking it one day at a time, is the way to go. This is the start of Day 7. Every time I reach for something sweet in the fridge, I think of David, and all you guys.

Let’s keep it going:)