Viewing Category: My Personal Journal

Happy Holidays!

December 24, 2005

During the past two weeks I worked on a contract position. Each day I’d bring my lunch with me to work. Each day there were cookies and sweets available but I didn’t eat any of them. In fact, it was easy.

Earlier tonight (Christmas Eve) I was on an airplane picking through the snack package that the flight assistant handed out. I skipped over the sugar cookies and ate two crackers. There was a package of granola. I opened it and shook a bit into my hand. I tasted it. It was super sweet and I threw the rest back into the package and was done.

The interesting thing was how sickly sweet the granola tasted. Of course it was laced with sugar of some kind, and contained bits of dried fruit coated in fine white. Gross.

Tomorrow is Christmas day and I’m certain I will not eat sweets. I don’t want to. Ideas of performing some kind of past holiday ritual have run through my head. I’ve imagined eating cookies from my favorite home-town bakery. I’ve imagined making cookies and eating them and writing about how it feels in this blog. I’ve even imagined doing so to make this blog more exciting. But I won’t be eating sweets, especially for the purpose of interest.

You cannot stop being sweet if you don’t want it. If not eating sweets sounds like a good idea, like something you “Could” see yourself doing, then you’ll never stick with it. Many people have written to me and said they want to quit but they don’t want to give up their trigger foods or their beloved favorite daily sugar addiction. That’s the first step.

Part of my purpose in quitting was to show you that eating healthier is possible if you want to be healthy. For those of you who have tried, and feel as if you failed (because you had a little snack or are full out binging again) keep in mind that if at first you don’t succeed…

New Year’s eve is one week away. What a great day to start anew.

Posted on Dec 24, 2005

Treat? Or Trick?

December 17, 2005

This past week I began an intense project which will last until the end of the year.

On Friday one of the women in the office came to the door and invited my colleagues and I to help ourselves to some “treats” that were on the table in the next room. When I walked to the copier peanut butter Christmas cookies with Hershey’s chocolate kisses on top, oatmeal cookies, and slices of (my trigger food) chocolate chip banana bread leapt up and tried to jump into my mouth!

The thoughts ran through my head but I didn’t eat any of them. Each day I’ve brought plenty of healthy and sugar free foods to snack on so that I remain full. Had I been hungry when those “treats” were presented I might have caved.

The most interesting thing about the whole event was that I noticed something about sweets. The girls in the office were clamoring around the table. Despite the fact that there was a larger portion of cookies in the break area, we were only informed when everyone else had their fill.

The snacks were called “treats”—as if cookies are rare and hard to come by.

Friday is dress down day at the office and it is also common that there’s some kind of “treat” (including being able to wear jeans, oh!) for the staff. Little bowls of candy rest on people’s desks and one lady in particular has offered her candy bowl to everyone who passes.

Sharing sweets is a common social event signifying the end of the work week. Sugar is the reward for a hard earned paycheck. A plate full of cookies reduced everyone to yappy children for having “done good” and they ate it up—quite literally.

Imagine if the treats were cigarettes.

Imagine if the treats were cans of soda.

Imagine if the treats were nice sandwiches.

Imagine if the treat was a bonus.

Posted on Dec 17, 2005

Starting 9 to 5

December 11, 2005

Tonight I was invited out to eat and went. It was nice to see friends. The bad thing was that I ate (salad) despite the fact that I just wasn’t hungry. It seems I can’t turn down food lately. I’m not obese, but it certainly doesn’t feel good to eat so much. My stomach is sticking out! Not really, but a little bit.

I’m going to be working on a 9-5 daily schedule for the next two weeks before Christmas week. It will be interesting to see how that affects my sugar situation.

Posted on Dec 11, 2005

Compulsion

December 10, 2005

My life tends to appear as to me one compulsive, and often impulsive, action after another. I am active on a listserv (an email list with many members who all use email to discuss a topic) and in the past few days I started posting to it. I found myself getting more and more caught up in the discussion to the point where I began to look forward to reading replies. That’s not a bad thing.

What’s bad is that tonight I suddenly felt out of control with it. I worried that I had said something over-the-top and kept thinking that I should shut up. I wanted to write my opinion to every post. Part of it was that the list is about storytelling and I’m really interested to discuss it. But not everything or everything needs my two cents.

Tonight I realized that I am obsessive and since I’m not eating sugar my obsessive behavior is transferring to other things. I heard Steve Barnes (author) say that he dealt with being obsessive by becoming obsessed with balance. For me right now, I’m going to try to transfer my obsession to health and fitness by way of Tai Chi.

Posted on Dec 10, 2005

Cutting The Cycle

December 07, 2005

We must have something that causes us the desire to eat sweets—especially to binge.

When we cut out the binging and sweet eating, we’re sort of cutting off the top of the tree. It may not solve the underlying problems, but it certainly draws attention to them. Cutting out sweets is like laying off the cashiers at a fast food chain. It stops everything. It removes the connection between us and the degenerative cycle.

You can’t deal with the roots of your addiction if you can’t see the roots. Since I’ve been off sweets for a while, my current behavior is to simply eat more. Lately I’ve been working on eating less, although it’s hard since I’m often quite hungry.

The last time I wanted to binge was Sunday night. I noticed a repetitive thought pattern of telling myself it would be the last time. I promised myself that, if I binged, I’d start fresh on Monday by eating right and getting fit.

I ended up eating toast, apples, and a stir fry, but no sugar! The next time I feel the need to binge I’m going to pay close attention to the events that brought me to that state of wanting to stuff myself. Perhaps I’ll write it all down.

To surmise:
There is something else happening in our lives to cause us to want to binge. It’s not that we just like sweet snacks. Just about everybody likes something sweet. It seems to me that binging usually follows (or is part of) some kind of perceived failure or self deprecation.

Posted on Dec 07, 2005

Last Time Binging?

December 06, 2005

I find that when I’m about to binge I’ll tell myself that it will be the last time I eat an entire box of what ever and that, starting tomorrow, I’ll eat right and keep control. It never works. What causes the binge?

Sunday night I binged on unsweetened foods. I ate toast, two apples, and a stir fry that I had made the day before. Oh yeah! I almost forgot to tell you…

On Saturday I got the shakes and the sweats. It happened all of the sudden, about midday, and I ran to the kitchen for something to eat. Despite the fact that my housemate had just baked brownies, which were sitting warm on the stovetop, the first thing I ate was carrots!

I didn’t want brownies (yeah!) and I felt a strong urge to cook! Yes, cook!

I boiled rice, cut up vegetables, and made a Chinese style stir-fry. It included broccoli, potatoes, onions, carrots, an egg, and tofu. I seasoned it with soy sauce (unsweetened) and it was great!

What I’m noticing most these days is how compulsive behavior seems to be required in my life. Since I’m not eating sugar regularly, I’m surfing the web more uncontrollably, or spending too much time thinking about things that probably don’t matter too much right now. But hey, I’m working on all of this one step at a time.

Posted on Dec 06, 2005

What would help you?

December 05, 2005

I’ve been thinking of some new things to make this site better for people who are trying to live healthier.

Would you like more space for people to talk about their own struggles?

Please send your suggestions using the Vmail link to the top right of your screen or post a comment below. I’m all ears!

Thanks,
David

Posted on Dec 05, 2005

I FOUND THE SECRET!

December 04, 2005

Today I saw a very obese woman climb onto the bus holding a large paper cup of soda from Wendy’s. It hit me that I want to change my approach to food altogether. In that moment I told myself I’d stop eating fast food and get myself fit. Then I thought about her.

“How would her life change if she had a different approach to food,” I thought.

It’s easy to imagine eating nothing but healthy vegetable rich meals with natural ingredients. But when it comes down to it why do we (yes, you are included in this) chose to eat something so bad for us?

Want to know the secret?

It’s a choice.

We choose to eat this way. We like it. We get something out of it. It might be a cause and it might be a reaction, but either way we make the decision to eat the foods we ingest.

Unless you are reading this from a prison cell, you can change your diet. Actually, let me rephrase that.

Unless we are in prison (myself included) we CAN CHANGE. It’s a choice.

For me I have to make my choice correspond with some kind of ritual. My decision to quit sugar had to coincide with my birthday and this blog.

I have managed to avoid “hard sweets” and my cravings for such foods have greatly diminished.

I am now making a choice. Here is my commitment: I am going to eat less and eat better. I"m going to search out alternative snacks at every opportunity and write about my findings.

Posted on Dec 04, 2005