Viewing Category: My Personal Journal

Sugar, Money, Happiness

October 29, 2011 • Comments (2)

My annual four days of sweetness is coming right up. At the supermarket the other day, I purchased some chocolate stuff from the bulk food aisle in preparation. There’s now a bag of chocolate peanut clusters, chocolate covered almonds, and chocolate covered pretzels in the kitchen.

I’d be lying if I said told you I wasn’t excited. Knowing I’ll soon eat some of my favorite chocolaty treats made me smile as I scooped the chocolates out of the barrel and into the bag. In fact, I was so happy it tickled. My giddiness made me laugh at myself. Then I felt stupid. Really stupid!

When we got to the checkout I noticed that our usual batch of veggies and fruit was peppered with sweet products. Buying a bunch of sweet junk (including Halloween candy) added about $15 dollars to the overall bill. Because I had trouble finishing all the candy I got last year, my purchases were conservative this time around. That got me thinking.

If I spent $15 on sweets per week that would add up to $780 on sugary junk annually. That’s assuming I only eat moderate amounts and only from the grocery store. Throw in fast food restaurants and random snacks from vending machines or convenience stores and it’s safe to say a sugary person could easily spend $1,000 per year on added sugars.

Which would make you more happy?
1. Spent your $1,000 on eating sweets all year.
2. Abstaining from sugar and spend $1,000 on self-love.

How much do you spend on sweets per year?
Per week? Have you ever kept track?

Posted on Oct 29, 2011 • Comments (2)

Supermarket Confirmation

September 24, 2011 • Comments (4)

Gwenn and I went to the supermarket the other night. While there I passed by the bulk candy and smelled the chocolate. Knowing that Halloween is coming and soon I can purchase the chocolate peanut clusters that I got last year, I smiled like a kid. After six unsweet years I still get excited to allow myself to eat whatever I want for four days out of the year. The happiness I felt was truly child like.

We hadn’t been shopping in a few weeks and so we were running low on everything. As a result, we really stocked up. At the checkout, our cashier said, “Wow, you guys eat healthy. That’s good!”

I felt proud. When the cashier at Winco says you eat healthy she must really mean it. I’d love to stand and watch the food that passes by her during her shift. I wonder what interesting observations supermarket check out workers have discovered. Is there a pattern to the food and the type of person who purchases it?

When we got home and began to unpack our bags I noticed we had purchased mostly vegetables. The stuff that wasn’t veggies were fruits. We also got brown rice. It hit me that we eat like we were living in the 1940s. Or at least that’s how I imagine we’d have eaten during that time.

All of this reminded me of my worst sugar binge where I attempted to eat nothing but sweets for two weeks straight. There’s no way I’ll ever do that again! However, with Halloween fast approaching I’m starting to think about what I’ll eat during my annual four days of sweetness. I’m not going to call it my “annual sugar binge” anymore because I won’t be binging. I will be sweet though, but just a little bit.

Posted on Sep 24, 2011 • Comments (4)

Sweet Dreams… Again

September 07, 2011 • Comments (4)

Sweet Dreams

Maybe it’s that time of the year because last night I dreamt about eating sugar.

I was at an event. Nobody was around the dessert table so I grabbed a heaping plate of chocolate. It was a very rich cake with mousse, my favorite! I ate it and didn’t feel bad at all.

When I woke up, and thinking about it now, I feel gross. A dream from years ago ruined me for certain sweets. In it I was eating ice cream and the chocolate turned into that spongy stuff that florists stick flower arrangements in at the bottom of the pot. Ever since I can’t stomach the idea of eating chocolate ice cream when I imagine doing so.

I’m sure I’ll get over it by Halloween…

Posted on Sep 07, 2011 • Comments (4)

Results of My Fast

August 30, 2011 • Comments (6)

On Sunday night at midnight (a little before actually) I began a 24 hour fast. It was the first time I’ve ever voluntarily gone 24 hours without eating. What an interesting experience.

Physically, my muscles were achy, I felt fatigued, and yesterday evening heartburn set in. As a result I went to bed a little early. This morning I felt foggy and ate a small bit of brown rice. Today I plan to eat lunch.

One thing I noticed was that I didn’t want to stop my fast after I had gone a full day. However, since this was my first time it seems wise to not go overboard, especially since I have to teach Tai Chi and Yoga classes this week.

Many people fast for spiritual and health reasons. The reason I did the fast was to see how I’d feel without food. I also wanted to see if I’d notice anything about my eating habits. Basically it was an experiment. French fries came to mind last night when I thought about food. Weird.

In the end, the main thing I took away is that I am in control of my diet. My plan now is to eat less food and be even more careful about what I take in. The other result of my fast was that lots of people had something to say about it. Many were curious as to why I’d do such a thing. I started to see that concepts about food and nutrition are like concepts about politics—everyone has their own unique idea about what’s right and wrong. And, just like politics, no one way is correct for everyone.

Posted on Aug 30, 2011 • Comments (6)

Me, Sugar, and OCD

June 15, 2011 • Comments (3)

Yarn

This week’s sugar challenge is about telling the truth and communicating. In the years since the start of this blog I have revealed a lot about myself but there is one thing I haven’t talked about yet.

OCD

Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing the associated anxiety, or by a combination of such obsessions and compulsions.
(Source: Wikipedia)

Having OCD is a little like this: you notice the painting hanging on your wall is crooked. You straighten it, stand back, and it looks good. You feel relieved. A few minutes later you notice it’s not quite right. You straighten it and stand back. It looks good. You feel relieved. The next day you pass the painting and notice it’s off again, you pushed it too far the day before. You straighten it, stand back, and it looks good. You may need to do it again and again in order to get it to be perfect.

There are varying levels of OCD accompanied by varying symptoms. I’m pretty fortunate. I don’t wash my hands until they bleed, fear germs to the point where I can’t use public rest rooms, nor do I need to drive all the way home to triple check that I shut off my oven. People have told me, “You think too much.” I’ve been described as “cerebral.” In my old personal journals, before I ever knew what OCD was, I described my thought process like trying to untangle a ball of yarn but not being able to find the ends. Each thought was like a string that wound into an endlessly looped knot.

Yarn There are a lot of famous people with OCD who lead functional and successful lives. Each has their own unique story. I have mine and sweets certainly played a role. In the coming months I will explore the relationship of sugar and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to a greater degree and write about it.

Posted on Jun 15, 2011 • Comments (3)

Temptation Never Ends

June 02, 2011 • Comments (5)

Tonight was the First Thursday art walk here in downtown Portland. We went to see the MFA show from a local college’s graduating class. In the center of the gallery was a really interesting thing. It was a small table with carrots, hummus, crackers, and M&Ms candy. Someone had poured out a fraction of the M&Ms and left the bag just sitting on the table beside the candy bowl. Both the bag and the bowl called out to me.

The bowl wanted me to take a giant hand full and eat it. The bag wanted me to steal it. It said that nobody was looking and that I should just grab it and walk out. If I made it I’d have gotten to eat stolen M&Ms in every gallery for the rest of the night. It sounded like a good idea. After thinking about it, I grabbed a few carrots and left the premises.

In two of the other galleries they were serving chocolate filling Oreo cookies. I didn’t have any but Gwenn did and I could smell them on her. Oreos smell like nothing else. It’s kind of amazing really, that there’s no scent quite like them. I was tempted to have one but knew that one wouldn’t be enough. I’d need a plate full of Oreos and a bowl full of M&Ms to be satisfied. The only thing that kept me from eating them was willpower. Wait, that’s not true. It’s more than just willpower.

What kept me from eating a bunch of cookies and candy was the fact that I have given in to temptation so many times in the past. After eating junk I know that I’ll feel unpleasant. As fun as it would be to eat sweets right now as I write this, I also know it would make me feel awful. Five to eight hours of misery is just not worth it for 15-20 minutes of snacking fun.

Posted on Jun 02, 2011 • Comments (5)

My Run-In with Red Bull

June 01, 2011 • Comments (1)

If you look at your life, there are no doubt tiny messages being sent your way. Are you listening?

Years ago, on my 30th birthday I had a party at a bar in New York City with my friend Attila who also turned 30. It was his idea. I’m not much for bars but thought it would be a good way to celebrate. After all, I was officially an adult.

A group of people were sitting around and yelling over the loud music when Attila suggested he and I buy a round of Red Bull and Vodka for everyone. I hadn’t ever heard of Red Bull. We purchased the round, which came to us on a tray with the Vodka in shot glasses and the Red Bull in silver cans. Everyone quickly grabbed the vodka and nobody drank the Red Bull.

Drinking water in a bar in New York City was not cool and they’d probably have charged me for it. When I got thirsty I asked about the Red Bull and was told it was an energy drink. I like energy and so I drank some.

It tasted sweet like soda, but not exactly. I liked it. I drank a second can. That was so good that I had another. (I didn’t try to going sugar free for another three years.)

In the end I drank 3-5 cans of Red Bull back-to-back. Not a single person batted an eye. I don’t think anyone even noticed. actually, one person said something like, “You’re gonna feel that.”

Feel it I did! It was like I drank 1,000 cups of green tea. The caffeine was surging through my veins and it caused me to shake. I was like a buzzing florescent light that occasionally blinked. All I could do was sit around and wait for the effects of the Red Bull to wear off. Needless to say I was up late and annoyed. I vowed to never drink Red Bull again. This negative experience was one of many small pushes that drove me to stop being sweet.

When you have a bad experience with a product there’s usually a good reason for it. Listen to the little messages. Sugar addicts tend to ignore the bad experience and go back again and again in an effort to recreate the good feeling they once had with it. Thank goodness I never had a positive experience with Red Bull.

Posted on Jun 01, 2011 • Comments (1)

Sweet Stress

May 12, 2011 • Comments (6)

Tonight there was a dessert social in the lobby of my building.

sugar

They served chocolate layer cake, apple pie, carrot cake, oatmeal cookies, chocolate chip cookies, cinnamon buns, cheesecake and more. Oh and they had fruit salad.

It’s sort of funny because I was not interested in the sugary beverages. I had no desire to drink a can of diet Coke, Pepsi, or fruit drink. Gwenn had a cookie and some fruit salad. She offered me some fruit but I refused. In fact I could care less about it because it wasn’t what I was after.

I wanted something sweeter and stronger. I wanted more than just one bite. I wanted to lose myself in something chocolatly and rich. I really wanted a cookie and some cake. I wanted to binge on it. Why?

Stress. I’m a little stressed out right now. That’s it. I’m stressed and so I want to focus my stress. What makes me want to turn the tension in my body onto itself? Bingeing is like pointing a gun at yourself to relieve your own fear. Doing so doesn’t make the problem go away, it simply changes your focus for a limited amount of time.

plate

The desire to binge feels like contained energy that needs to be let out. From now on I’m going to try to accomplish something whenever I want to eat sweets. It can be something simple like taking out the trash or writing a blog post like this one. It doesn’t matter. There. This blog post is done and so is the dessert social. I made it.

Posted on May 12, 2011 • Comments (6)