Viewing Category: My Personal Journal

Staying on the Wagon

March 19, 2006

Avoiding sugar has become a habit but lately and I’ve been stressed and craving sweets. Tonight I’m working on my website and it’s the perfect time to eat a giant box of cookies, pound down some ice cream, or get sick on easter chocolate. But I’m not doing any of that.

Instead I’ve eaten cheese, peanut butter, and apples. Soon it will be six months since I quit sugar!

Posted on Mar 19, 2006

They Must Think I’m Nuts

March 14, 2006

I’ve made up my mind that I’m going to eat sugar—anything I want—during the three or four days between Halloween and my birthday and then quit again for the remainder of 2006 and into 2007.

Creating this ritual allows me to eat sweets (which I really don’t want to give up) while also avoiding them all year long. It also doesn’t glorify sweets for me as I have to jam them all into a short window and I’ll no doubt over eat, binge, and feel like crap afterwards.

So that’s my plan.

Yesterday I was invited to attend a small and exclusive storytelling workshop. The thing is, it falls on the weekend between Halloween and my birthday. I said no and added, “That’s my sugar weekend.” They must’ve thought I’m nuts. It sounds so, “I’ve got to do laundry,” or, “I’ve got to wash my hair.”

But it’s true!

They prodded me, “Can’t you eat sugar the weekend before, or after?”

“No.”

Perhaps they don’t have a personal ritual. If it was a religious thing they’d understand. If it were job related there’s be no questioning. But I’m going to be eating sweets and it’s going to be an event. It’ll be an extravaganza!

I’m going to be doing it big with photos and a written log of how I feel. Maybe I’ll make a movie. I’m going to eat more than I can handle. I’m going to load up to say the least. It’s not gonna be pretty and it HAS TO HAPPEN on those specific days for it to fit into my ritual and effectively keep me off sugar the rest of the year.

By allowing myself to eat on those days, it lifts the burden through the rest of the year. I really like sweets. I miss chocolate. I WANT to eat all those things but several things keep me from doing so. They are:

1. This website.

2. You’re watching me!

3. I made a commitment to myself.

4. Eating sweets will make me feel bad and reinvigorate the cycle of sweet induced highs and lows.

So in any case, I’m not doing anything that weekend but eating sugar. Consider it my own private church. Consider it work-related.

That’s what I’m going to do.

Posted on Mar 14, 2006

Dinner and Dessert

March 10, 2006

As of late I’ve managed to maintain my eating habits as well as my energy levels.

The other night I was out for a nice dinner when it came time to order dessert. The “sugar issue” came up again. Everyone at the table knows I’m not eating sugar but not everyone seemed to understand why. Some offered their own stories about getting the shakes and how sugar is the only thing that gives them that immediate burst of energy so they reach for candy. I said that’s the worst thing to do but they didn’t seem to care because it doesn’t happen often enough.

The interesting thing was that none of them seem to “get” that if I start to eat sweets it’s just a matter of time before sweets are all I eat. The good thing is that at this point they all know I’m not going to eat dessert and so nobody thinks twice when I don’t get any.

Posted on Mar 10, 2006

Girl Scout Cookies Are Deadly

March 02, 2006

While walking out of the supermarket I was “assaulted” by a group of Girl Scouts.

Dressed in the usual fatigues, they were waiting for me behind a bunker of cookie boxes. As I came through the door, a scout looked directly at me and stepped forward to ask, “Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?”

Despite the fact that my thoughts said, “YES! Of course I’d like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies,” I just plowed through them football-style and burst into a sprint. They tore off after me while hurling Shortbread, Peanut Butter Sandwich, and Thin Mint cookies at my back.

I made it to the bus just in time and dove through the closing doors. As I rode off the scouts palmed and pounded on the bus windows where I sat.

I caught my breath and rubbed my aching head. Something was on my neck. A single Thin Mint had stuck to the back of my sweater.

I didn’t eat it. I swear.

Dealing With Stress

I’ve been a little stressed in the past few days and it hit me that I’m not dealing with stress the way I used to. Just a few months ago I’d have taken a trip to the store, purchased a box of cookies and disappeared from the world to eat them.

That was how I dealt with stress.

Today it’s different. These days I don’t binge. When I fist quit I’d still binge on something, but not anymore. Truth is I’m not quite sure how I’m dealing with stress—beyond practicing Tai Chi.

I’m teaching Tai Chi quite a bit and have a 65 year old woman in a class who said today that it’s much better to start being active at a young age to keep yourself healthy. She said that she sat at a desk her whole life working as a manager in a company. She went on to say that so many young people these days are sitting in a chair and looking at a computer screen all day and that it’s gonna take its toll on people.

She’s right. We’re making choices every moment of everyday that will add up to be our future state of being.

So what steps are you taking to ensure your future health?

Posted on Mar 02, 2006

I’m Eating Sugar!

February 13, 2006

I’ve been eating sugar but I haven’t been eating sweets.

It turns out all the “good” food I’ve been consuming is really turning into sugar.

Carbohydrates = sugar. We all know that, right?

And lately I’ve been eating what I thought was well until this past week. My energy levels have been shot.

I’m feeling lethargic, depressed, and can’t make it through the day without puttering out of energy.

I don’t like it. I’ve got to cut out bread, pasta, orange juice, etc. But what the heck will I eat?

More vegetables I guess…

Posted on Feb 13, 2006

M&M Story

February 08, 2006

My friend is a photographer and he told me this story.

He was shooting a swimming tournament where there was only about ten minutes in between each race. When he could slip away (about once an hour) he’d run to the hospitality tent for food. He’s currently on a special restrictive diet to monitor a health condition and cannot eat all kinds of stuff. The positive result of his diet is that he’s been eating much less sugar (if at all) and he’s seeing and feeling the effects. The negative thing was that he couldn’t eat anything they were serving in the tent.

One time he ran into the hospitality tent and there was nothing but big bowls of M&Ms candy. He said he took a handful and then found himself compulsively eating handful after handful, then ran back to the pool to work.

A half hour later and he felt awful—completely drained.

When he told me this story all I could do was smile. It was as if I had quit a job with an abusive employee and someone I cared about who still worked there had finally had enough.

Hopefully he’ll quit as well.

Posted on Feb 08, 2006

Thanks

January 25, 2006

Tonight I was tempted to eat chocolate brownies and European chocolates during dessert. My host said, “These are worth falling off the wagon for…”

My response was, “I can’t. A lot of people are counting on me.”

Kind of funny, but in that moment it hit me that my quitting sugar is not just about me. Had I caved and ate “just a little chocolate,” not only would I feel terrible because of the sugar, but also because people could lose faith.

So…

THANK YOU for visiting and reading! Knowing that I have people who believe in me (and believe me) helps more than you can know. Again, thanks.

Posted on Jan 25, 2006