Viewing Category: My Personal Journal

Tempted to Eat Sugar Monthly

May 10, 2010 • Comments (1)

Every first Thursday of the month Portland’s Pearl District plays host to art gallery openings and an art walk. I very much enjoy hitting the streets with Gwenn to check out what’s happening in the local art scene. What I also enjoy—sometimes more than the art—are the variety of foods that people put out to accompany the new collections. Some places put out a bowl of pretzels, others assemble very lavish spreads.

Man Making Plate on First Thursday

Man making plate at First Thursday, September 2008

This photo was taken at the grand opening of a local business. Not every gallery or business puts out so much food but there’s often plenty of sweet temptation. Luckily for me, there’s also plenty of veggies and unsweetened treats.

While walking around this past First Thursday, I got to thinking about my favorite bakery back in NJ and how I no longer have a caveat in my sustainable sugar abstinence program. Suddenly I got a great idea. I’ll allow myself to eat sweets every First Thursday and only when I’m on the art walk, and only when the sweets are put out for the public to eat. Genius! I told Gwenn.

“Somehow I think that First Thursday would take on a whole new meaning for you if you did that,” was all she replied.

Gwenn was absolutely correct. I had already mapped out and mentally marked all of the places that usually put out cookies. Some locations regularly feature a variety of sweets and I was imagining taking two handfuls and stuffing my pockets. If I allowed myself to eat sweets once-a-month during the art walk it would no longer be about the art.

It’s pretty amazing. I’ll be unsweet for five years this year, only eating whatever I want during my “annual sugar binge”, and still I’m trying to figure out a way to allow myself to go back to sweets. It’s possible and probable that the desire will never go away.

Posted on May 10, 2010 • Comments (1)

Lakeview Bakery in Parsippany, NJ

May 04, 2010 • Comments (0)

When I was a kid, my mother would take my brother and I to Lakeview Bakery in Parsippany, NJ. As I’ve mentioned before, I used to go there quite often when I lived in town. My favorite thing as a kid was the frog cupcakes and later in life I gravitated toward the cookies. They had yellow icing cookies with a chocolate icing smile face, chocolate chip, chocolate drop, and sprinkled sugar cookies. After I moved away, whenever I’d go to Parsippany, I’d try to make a point to stop by the bakery and eat about six or eight of my favorite delectable treats. Doing so brought me back to my young years and awakened the child in me. But that will never happen again.

When I got a letter from a friend in Parsippany mentioning that the place had closed, I can’t tell you how disappointed I was and still am. For some reason the bakery seemed like it would always be there and would be something to which I could always return. In fact, eating cookies at the Lakeview Bakery was the only caveat in my sustainable sugar abstinence program. It’s rare that I’m back in NJ and so it wouldn’t have mattered what time of year it was. I would have eaten those cookies guilt free but now I’ll never be able to go there again.

There was a nice lady who worked in the front office of my elementary school. She later worked at the Bakery. To be honest I’m not sure of her age and it’s quite possible she’s not with us anymore. She was always nice when I’d go in and she’d remember me each time. In fact, Lakeview Bakery was kind of like my version of the neighborhood bar. It was my own private “Cheers” (television show) where the former-elementary-school-secretary-turned-sweet-bakery-bartender knew my name. Now I’m lost. No bakery. No childhood. What to do?

My mother says, “Don’t worry, eat cookies.” Maybe she’s right. One day we’ll look back to today and all of the things we are taking for granted around us will have transformed completely. Some places won’t be here. Some people won’t be with us. And, most of all, we’ll never be the same. Still, I’m staying off the sugar!

(As of May 5, 2010 the Google map below still showed the Lakeview Bakery.)

View Larger Map

Posted on May 04, 2010 • Comments (0)

How Much Do You Eat?

April 29, 2010 • Comments (0)

I was sick this month with a fever, aches, and more—it was a stomach virus. Let’s just say it wasn’t fun. However, something good did come from it.

During the course of my sickness I drank lots of fluids and ate very little. My stomach didn’t want food but habit wanted me to get up and walk into the kitchen. In other words, the idea of eating would come to my head before the desire for eating came to my body.

For a whole week the thought of swallowing any kind of mass-produced food product grossed me out and, when I did eat, I could only stomach whole and fresh, natural foods. It took a week of twisting belly and weird fever-induced dreams before I began to feel normal again. Imagine my excitement when my stomach growled! That’s where I learned a lesson.

The amount of food I ate that week was minimal compared to the amount I usually ingest. Eating had become a compulsive habit and I was unaware of just how often I “grabbed a snack”. Now that I’m feeling better I’m tempted by all kinds of dishes again but I am doing my best to listen only to the call of my stomach and not the lure of the refrigerator.

Posted on Apr 29, 2010 • Comments (0)

Feeling Famished

March 25, 2010 • Comments (0)

I have vivid memories from when I was a kid of being really, really hungry just before dinner. I can recall crying to my mother that I was starving. She’d tell me dinner would be ready in 40 minutes. I’d be dying for something to eat. She thought I was being impatient.

Low Blood Sugar

What was happening, unbeknownst to me, was that my blood sugar levels were crashing. I was getting the shakes and that “I need to eat something RIGHT NOW” feeling. I had no idea that the food I was eating (you know, all those things that come in colorful boxes and claimed to be part of a healthy balanced diet) were causing me to become sugar sensitive.

I still get the I-need-to-eat-right-now feeling now and again. Usually it happens after I’ve not eaten anything for an extended period of time, or after I’ve eaten at a restaurant and unknowingly consumed food with added sugars.

Posted on Mar 25, 2010 • Comments (0)

What If You Ate Sugar By Accident?

February 24, 2010 • Comments (6)

So, the other night, Gwenn and I made cookies. I usually make the dough (sugar-free) and then she takes her portion and adds chocolate chips. I add unsweetened carob chips to mine. That’s how we do. That’s what we did. All was well.

The cookies had been baked, removed from the oven, and cooled. In fact, we’d eaten some of them by the time I walked into the dark kitchen and reached for my last cookie of the evening. I picked up one of mine and took a bite only to find it was one of hers. Whoops! They look the same in the dark. It tasted like chocolate. It was sweet. I ate a bite of cookie with chocolate chips that were sweetened with sugar. But life goes on.

For anyone who isn’t a “sugar addict” you’ll think this is a silly post. Who the heck cares if I eat sugar? I agree.

For anyone who is a sugar addict you’ll understand that this kind of mishap is a dangerous spot where someone’s monkey mind might convince them that it was fate. The devil on your shoulder might tell you that you should roll with it. Perhaps go on a week-long sugar binge since you tainted your sugar-free stretch. Had I been two weeks into my sugar abstinence, I might have cracked.

My Point

The only way to stay off sweets is to stay off sweets. You have to stick it out. It’s all about choice — YOUR choice. The world works in mysterious ways and, given the fact that many major corporation in the food industry work 24/7 to put them there, sugary foods will somehow make it to your lips from time to time. Sometimes it’s by choice. Sometimes it’s by accident. Either way you have to roll with it. It doesn’t mean you messed up and have to “start over.” You already started. You’re on and you stay on. Just keep going and live in the now.

Posted on Feb 24, 2010 • Comments (6)

Should I Quit Bread?

December 18, 2009 • Comments (5)

Having been sweet-free for a long time now, I have found that my relationship with food is different. I’ve never been a variety eater. Instead, I tend to eat the same things over and over. Confronted with the overwhelming attention assault that is the supermarket, there are a few things that always end up in my cart while the rest of the groceries remain uncharted territory.

Over the past year or year in a half, I have gained weight. I’m not obese by any means, but I am the heaviest I’ve ever been. There’s definitely a trend happening. Many people have asked me or told me about the worry of gaining weight if they quit sugar because they feel they’ll eat more to over compensate. It has become obvious to me lately is that I still eat habitually rather than when I’m hungry. Since I do a lot of work from home, the kitchen is literally a few steps away. Once again, I need to change my eating habits.

With 2010 rapidly approaching I have been considering doing something more challenging—something drastic. I think (notice my hesitation) that I’m going to stop eating any bread and flour products. I’m not sure I want to do it though. It sounds like the right thing to do but the reality is that I still love unsweetened peanut butter and pure fruit jelly sandwiches, on wheat bread of course. I still love a good sandwich. Perhaps I will limit the amount of food I eat in general. Hmmm… New Year’s Eve is fast approaching. Something’s gotta give. Any suggestions?

Posted on Dec 18, 2009 • Comments (5)

On Demonizing Sugar

November 23, 2009 • Comments (1)

Candy Cigarettes Not too long ago, during a conversation with my friend, the subject of sugar came up. I mentioned something about how I find it hard to moderate eating sweets. My friend made a face and said, “...and so you demonize sugar.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement, possibly even an accusation. It made me think of many endless debates between blaming the object or the people who use/wield/consume that object. For example, “Guns, don’t kill people. People kill people.”

The problem is that sugar doesn’t kill people —at least not in the press-a-button end-a-life kind of way. It is common place for people to eat sugar. People often eat sweets their entire lives and never know what it feels like to be sugar-free. (Feels like are the key words in that sentence.) Even people who don’t think of themselves as having a sweet-tooth are often addicted to carbs and many people who think they are sugar-free are indeed ingesting a huge amount of added sugars without even knowing it.

My friend and I talked about how it became common place for people to take a smoking break at work. In fact, if you want to be able to take regular breaks at certain jobs, it would behoove you to take up smoking! How many people do you know who are allowed (meaning it’s socially acceptable) to take a phone break at work? Ten minutes standing out front of the building to make a call several times a day might get you fired. But in many places there is a designated smoking area for the smoking team. (Imagine a harmonica break!)

armtray There used to be ashtrays on the seat arms in airplanes. People used to smoke inside hospitals. They smoked in movies, on television, and at the table next to you at a restaurant. When I was in high school there was an outdoor smoking lounge for students. The idea seems insane by today’s paradigm. In fact it’s illegal. Why? You know why.

“But sugar is different,” my friend argued, “Sugar is in everything. We need sugar to live.”

I agree that sugar is in everything and we need natural sugars to live. However, we don’t need large quantities of added sugars in everything we consume. Sugar has been pushed on us since we were children. We have been programmed to believe that sugar is fun and gives us energy. Large corporations sell sugar to kids on television (cereal ads), in playgrounds (think fast food playground sponsorships) and in cafeterias at school. Food products that are labeled organic and healthy can still contain large doses of sugar. At the end of the day we’ve eaten a whole lot of sugar if we weren’t paying attention, and that’s often the case even if we didn’t eat candy-ish sweets.

smoke filled plane How much is too much? For certain addictive types, research pointing to fatty and sugary foods as being addictive might mean just a little is too much. Otherwise let Coke teach you and your family about nutrition.

So, to my friend and everyone who might have had the same thought as he, I don’t demonize sugar because we all know it’s bad for us. After all, sugar doesn’t ruin your health. You ruin your health.

Posted on Nov 23, 2009 • Comments (1)

All I Wanted Was Sweets

November 16, 2009 • Comments (5)

This weekend all I wanted was some sugar. Actually, not true. I wanted something sweet but I didn’t want sugar. Gwenn whipped up some chocolate mousse for me. It was cream and agave syrup with some cocoa. It did the trick for about five minutes.

I made cookies on Friday night. Ate ‘em all. There’s a lot on my plate (things to do, not food) and so my natural tendency is to want to eat lots of sugar. This is how my mind operates. Do you do that?

Do you eat, or want to eat, sweets when you’re stressed or under pressure?

PS - If you’re part of the November Sugar Challenge, let us know how you’re doing.

Posted on Nov 16, 2009 • Comments (5)