Afraid to not start

 
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This has been going on for too long: the binging (a pint of ice cream and 4 brownies late afternoon is ‘normal’), telling myself, “this is the last time!”, then doing it all again the next day.  And the next day.  I’ve noticed this problem of mine and have been trying to quit (key word: trying, aka failing) for over 2 years.  I’ve made it at most 7 or 8 days relatively sugar-free (maybe 4 times in 2 years, and they were great times) but then fallen back down deeper into sugar hell.  But I can’t not be confident this time, things will be different.  I mean that’s all I’ve got is willpower.  And now this forum, so thanks for who’s here.

I like this game ‘you vs. sugar’.  Today I lost.  Tomorrow I win.  Anybody ever read ‘The Sugar Addict’s Total Recovery Program’?  The book suggests a potato at night to increase serotonin levels throughout the following day.  Supposedly elevating serotonin levels increase impulse control.  I did that for maybe a month, but then stopped when I realized I wasn’t even trying to stop eating sugar anymore.  I wonder if it really helps at all.  Seemed like it, but then again might have been placebo, not potatoes.  Kind of scary to me to intentionally alter my brain chemistry, though.  Although, what the heck scars is all this sugar leaving?  Hopefully more like waves than scars.  I get scared of long-term damages I’m inflicting by following craving for sugar rather than intelligence that says run like heck away.

So here we go: No sugar starts now.  Because it’s not like there’s really going to be a better time.  But I’m in pretty deep: like I said, a pint of ice cream and four brownies was my early dinner.  Maybe I should ween off, but maybe that’s not an option because, like Guns ‘N’ Roses sang (I think about heroin), “i used to do a little but a little wouldn’t do / so a little got more and more / i just keep trying to get a little better / a little better than before.” (Mr. Brownstone)

I have been addicted to and quit cocaine, alcohol, marijuana, caffeine/coffee, chewing tobacco (gross), Adderall, various combinations of these (ie: beer red bull adderall tobacco).  Things are better now.  I meditate: that helped make everything else far less appealing.  But sugar is proving to be the toughest thing to shake, mostly because a) it’s so socially acceptable and readily available and, b) i can’t just not eat like i can just not take drugs, and c) i keep thinking a little won’t hurt.  But I’m wrong.  This has been going on for too long.  So wish me luck.  Good luck to all of you.  Stay strong!

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I wish you luck, and offer support. I went exactly one week and then bam! I had to have sugar, and I had to have it now! I don’t understand how one minute I can be doing fine and the next it’s all over. I hate myself.
Guess I’ll try again. Any words of wisdom would be helpful.

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Lulie—- one week: that’s great!  Start again and make it two weeks!  That’s my plan, after making it one day.  Which, no joke, is significant for me.  It’s a start.  I messed up today but I had a perfect day yesterday.  So I know I can do it again tomorrow.  And then go for a second day.  If I double the time each time, I’ll go from 1 day to 2 to 4 to 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256: now we’re talking.  Sure, this is wishful thinking, but what’ev.  This is something somebody sent me today in e-mail:

//Your words, your dreams, and your thoughts have power to create conditions in your life.What you speak about, you can bring about.
If you keep saying you can’t stand your job, you might lose your job. If you keep saying you can’t stand your body, your body can become sick. If you keep saying you can’t stand your car, your car could be stolen or just stop operating. If you keep saying you’re broke, guess what? You’ll always be broke. If you keep saying you can’t trust a man or trust a woman, you will always find someone in your life to hurt and betray you. If you keep saying you can’t find a job, you will remain unemployed. If you keep saying you can’t find someone to love you or believe in you, your very thought will attract more experiences to confirm your beliefs. If you keep talking about a divorce or break up in a relationship, then you might end up with it.

Turn your thoughts and conversations around to be more positive and power-packed with faith, hope, love and action. Don’t be afraid to believe that you can have what you want and deserve.

Watch your Thoughts, they become words.
Watch your Words, they become actions.
Watch your Actions, they become habits.
Watch your Habits, they become character.
Watch your Character, for it becomes your Destiny.

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settle for.

In the search for Me, I discovered Truth.
In the search for Truth, I discovered Love.
In the search for Love, I discovered GOD.
And in God, I have found Everything.
Be Blessed

Watch how your circumstances and situations begin to change when you change the way you speak.//

So seems to me the words of wisdom will be your own.
Kind of heavy, but I dig it.  Central message for me is to keep moving forward, not giving up not giving in to bad habits.  Even if I do, oh well: it’s like that Chumbawumba song.  Yeah, that one… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H5uWRjFsGc

I really think the hardest part will be right now: up until we create the initial separation from the sugarmonstrosity.  After that we be well practiced at choosing no.

Those words earlier were from Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, with more found here:
http://www.artofliving.org/what-sri-sri-said-today
... and specifically pertaining to us and habits:
http://www.artofliving.org/17-dec-2011-qa-5

Hope these help!  Good luck and get free!

(running total… me: 2 sugar: 2)

Total Posts: 6

Well, I hope you’re doing better than I am. I just can’t face a life with no sugar. I’ve been reading books that scare me about the effects of sugar and sugar-like carbohydrates, but being scared is apparently not enough. In my psyche, the prettily decorated birthday cake is my friend, not my enemy.
  The adult me wants desperately to stop this war in my head—to just take sugar off my menu and be done with it. But my entire life’s experience has created a childish, addicted me that doesn’t WANT to give up cookies.
  At least the adult me is not giving up. Right now I’m trying to decide whether it would be better for me to try to subtitute or abstain altogether. I’m a pretty creative cook, and I was thinking I could use sugar subtitutes, whole-wheat flour, etc. to make a passable “cake” that might satisfy some of my cravings. But I’m afraid that such a treat might just cause more cravings.
  I guess I don’t really believe that the cravings will ever disappear. People say they do, but I wonder. I crave carbs SO STRONGLY that I just can’t imagine not feeling that way.
  The good news is that I’m starting to see this whole issue as a problem that I need to solve, rather than a weakness or failing on my part. I used to beat-up on myself so much every time I blew the diet that it made be seek comfort food all the more.
  I really appreciate your words of encouragement. How goes your battle?

Total Posts: 7

cravings don’t ever completely disappear, but whenever i am off sugar (as i am right now) they get a little weaker from day to day. so day 1 usually is the hardest.
will there be a day 13 where you wake up craving chocolate cake? of course! and it’ll take your all to not do it, but that’s just how an addicition works right?!

try to just get off sugar for a day, that usually works best for me, i’ll just tell myself i’ll go get chocolate tomorrow. once i’m one day down, there’s some weird typa pride in me that doesn’t want to mess it up, since i know it is for me to start.

eating sugar in moderation doesn’t work for me. i’ll manage for a day or 2, and then i’ll be back to eating hugee ammounts again already. by now i know. so it’s simply not an option.

i lik a lot what diwili said: don’t beat yourself up if you slip.  just start again. at least that means you had a few days where you ate the way you’d like to right? :) don’t be afraid of failure and don’t talk yourself down. it is tough, but you can do this!!

about healthy alternatives: sugar replacements don’t work for me (try if they do for you tho?) i’ll still have that batch a cookies. BUT: i do eat whole grain pasta, bown rice and whole wheat flour only and that LESSENS your cravings. you don’t want sugar so bad anymore.
if you try to bake, go for something less obvious, eg banana bread, or corn bread. you can skip the sugar, because the banana will sweeten the dough, and corn bread also tastes well as a hearty dish. or try usin some mashed dates to sweeten any treat. i noticed that i don’t binge on that type of stuff, it’s awesome! :)
i’ll bake, have a piece or 2 and be done with it when i fell satisfied, without stuffing myself. :)

good luck on your journey! i was gathering info and basically living off chocolate for a while before i fully commit to it tambien, so i totally know where you are at right now. give yourself a (mental) break: you want this asnd you’ll do it, but it won’t happen any sooner if you hate yourself.

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thanks, larat… that’s helpful what you said about whole grains:
“BUT: i do eat whole grain pasta, bown rice and whole wheat flour only and that LESSENS your cravings. you don’t want sugar so bad anymore”
i had been thinking of grains as something to avoid because they might be crave-inducing, but it’s good to think of them as actually helpful in reducing cravings.

i notice what you notice about dates, too: they’re great but i’m not drawn to eat them by the pound

and lulie, i think being a good cook is going to help a lot.  i met somebody recently who has a habit of making the healthiest smoothies every day.  they basically replace a meal or two.  i never make smoothies, but would love to.  makes me think i could start that habit and replace the bad stuff and muffle cravings as they grow quieter.

meanwhile, though, i’m not doing so well.  definitely better than when i first started—- less sugary stuff and further apart.  but i’m not yet in the clear.  however, today i had maybe a fever and a nonstop runny nose.  no fun, but motivation, and proof this isn’t any good for me.  i’m grateful for my health, but it’s misleading to feel as good as i usually feel each morning after eating junk at night.  i’m not too sick now, so no big deal, but i hope this keeps me from acting out and jumpstarts some healthy habits and maybe gets me to rest.

//
does anyone else feel like they’re pretty non-stop and not so good at just being chill?  i feel like this plays into my bad eating habits: i eat because i got nothing else to do, yet for whatever reason refuse to do nothing.  maybe i need to feel like i’ve got something to do.  not sure, sort of self-psychoanalysis, or old fashioned reflection, but wondering if this busy-busy-busy tendency is another front to battle cravings on.

peace, ya’ll.

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@ diwili: about the whole grain thing: biologically, it makes sense, because while whole grain eg, pasta also has glucose (glucose isn’t the biggest problem, because glucose by itself doesn’t taste so sweet. fructose gives me sweet flavor i cannot control.) in it, it also has fiber in it, which needs longer to be broken down , so it a. makes you feel full longer and b. doesn’t spike up your blood sugar which causes you to binge hormon-wise. anything containing white flour, white rice, white bread and such do just that.

i’m sure you know the feeling of having eaten a huge meal (let’s say pasta w/ any type of sauce that contains sugar) and you’ll be stuffed and yet be craving a dessert. i could easily eat tons of chocolate after such a meal.
if i eat the same amount of veggies and whole-grain pasta, i don’t feel stuffed, i simply feel unhungry. the feeling lasts a lot longer and i don’t feel like i need to have a pound of chocolate to finish it off.
so yes, do stay off white flour, if possibly, but whole grains are not the enemy. luckily, i LOVE pasta! :)

about the dates. try whatever baking recipe you love. use unsweetened cocoa powder or carob (similar texture, color, different but okay-taste) if it’s asking for chocolate. skip any type of sugar (use mashed dates, honey or apple sauce to replace > obviously it’ll still contain sugar, but this is sugar that doesnt make binge. i personally also cut out honey, but a piece of say, date-sweetened cake doesn’t trigger me. apple sauce can also be used to replace eggs, if you want a vegan/ lower-cal version. use whole wheat flour instead of the white stuff. go ahead with any type of nuts, they contain healthy fats that make you less likely to crave.

i cook everyday, and starting this in early january you can definitely see that i tried to bake my way through it lol. by now i’m at the point where i only bake for special occasions, sugar-free that is, but my usual day of eating doesn’t contain stuff like that. works best for me to cut out temptation as much as possible.

i thought it’d be taking in a ton of calories, since i started eating a LOT of nuts (cashews, pistachios, pecans you name it) and also had huge servings.
i weighed myself yesterday and i actually lost 6 pounds even though i wasn’t primarily concerned about losing weight and even though i slipped 2 times since early january.

hope you get well soon and yes, sugar did the nastiest things to me too, so that might totally be the cause for nething health-related.

about the other thing you said: right now i am really busy with schcool, work and practice and i do agree that this is positive stress that helps not eating crap. because i was the type of eater that would binge home-alone, when bored.
i find mself with a lot of free time at hand, now that being lazy watching a movie while stuffing my face is not an option anymore, but it’s great. i finally get stuff done.

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//Your words, your dreams, and your thoughts have power to create conditions in your life.What you speak about, you can bring about.
If you keep saying you can’t stand your job, you might lose your job. If you keep saying you can’t stand your body, your body can become sick. If you keep saying you can’t stand your car, your car could be stolen or just stop operating. If you keep saying you’re broke, guess what? You’ll always be broke. If you keep saying you can’t trust a man or trust a woman, you will always find someone in your life to hurt and betray you. If you keep saying you can’t find a job, you will remain unemployed. If you keep saying you can’t find someone to love you or believe in you, your very thought will attract more experiences to confirm your beliefs. If you keep talking about a divorce or break up in a relationship, then you might end up with it.

Loved this! Very inspiring and oh so true smile thank you for the words of wisdom!

 
 

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